The Worry Monster

It’s the launch of #AdventBlogs with the theme of “its time to change” and our first blog comes from Gary Cookson, who I took over the curation of #AdventBlogs from, so its only right that he gets us started.  I’m thrilled to be walking in his footsteps to carry on this brilliant tradition, so get involved by reading the blogs and commenting on them via LinkedIn, Instagram or BlueSky, we would love to hear your thoughts. 

Gary is the Director of EPIC HR and is on the following socials https://www.linkedin.com/in/garycookson/ @Gary_Cookson (Threads), @garycookson (BlueSky), @Gary_Cookson (X) and @Gary_Cookson (Instagram).

I’m going to suggest you grab a brew, something to snack on and enjoy our first #AdventBlog.

For the first time since 2018 I'm contributing a blog and not curating the series. That also means that for the first time since 2018 my blog isn't the final one in the series. I've been used to writing my own blog well into January towards the end of the series, and in my head I thought I had loads of time left to write it. But then I bumped into Daniel at the CIPD Conference in early November and he told me he wanted me to open the series, which significantly adjusted my timescales. Anyway, here we are (again).

Its nice to be back. I've had mixed feelings about handing over the Advent Blogs baton. I was the curator for 6 years and I loved every minute. As I said last year though, I always try to stop doing things while I still enjoy them, so that I can look back on them with fondness, and that is indeed the case here. It was bloody hard to stop though, but - as per the theme for this year's series - it was time for a change, and the series is in good hands with Daniel.

But what can I write about? I really struggled to come up with something.

I wrote several blogs on this theme and ended up binning each of them, viewing them as self-indulgent. In one I talked about changes in my personal health, and what prompted those. In another I talked about changes in my professional focus and what has prompted that. In another I talked about changes in how we use our spare time (and money) at home, and what had prompted that. And in another I reflected on leaving the job I loved 10 years ago and the changes in the organisation that preceded that.

In all of them the learning point was that I tend to resist change until I'm forced to accept it. And that change worries me.

I shan't bore you with the details of the binned blogs, except that in one of them I boasted about how I look pretty good naked nowadays. I shall leave you to wonder which of the four aborted blogs that was in.

But what I did take from writing those blogs was how it stood out how, when it is time for a change, I either don't notice, or pretend that it isn't. I really do struggle with changes, whether personal or professional.

I suspect I'm not alone there. I have my comfort zone and it takes a while for the outside world to permeate that safe bubble. What surprises me is my own behaviour though, given that I teach change management principles on a fairly regular basis to other professionals.

Why do I not notice that it is time for a change, when it most obviously is?

Why do I pretend that it isn't time for a change, when others clearly see that it is?

It is partly, for me, about security. I become very comfortable with things and don't like to change them. It is partly about self-esteem - I can convince myself that the way things are is perfect for me and that I must be doing something right if I feel things are perfect. It is partly about fear. I dislike uncertainty and new things bring with them some degree of that.

But time and tide wait for no-one, and many of the blogs in this series will be exploring that further I suspect. Meanwhile I'm here worrying about change when it happens to me, yet urging others to embrace it. Maybe it is time I changed that.

I am a worrier though and it’s my own internal dialogue that’s to blame there. Most of the time I worry about things that never happen, things that aren’t as bad as I think they’ll be, or things over which I have no control. And change often fits into those categories, or threatens to.

Our daughter Poppy has some anxiety issues and to help with those we got her a Worry Monster (see image). She can write notes about what worries her and feed them to the Worry Monster, and unbeknownst to her we empty the Worry Monster every night, helping her think the worries have gone away.

Here’s a selection of things I’m worried about at the moment, which would go in my own Worry Monster.

Whether my children are ok - both in the moment and in the long term.

Whether my Dad’s regular collection of ailments and symptoms are as bad as he says they are and, if so, what that might mean.

Whether people like my books.

Where the next new customer is coming from.

If the nice weather will last till the weekend.

Whether I’ll finish my next race.

Wondering if I’m getting a cold.

Whether I have enough funds in my pension pots.

If the holiday we’ve booked will be any good.

Whether I’ll snore badly tonight. 

How I’ll fit in that urgent meeting someone needs whilst I’m already busy.

What we will watch on TV when our latest binge watch ends.

Whether there’s an afterlife.

Am I doing enough marketing for my business?

Can we afford the holiday we want?

What car do I want when my current lease expires?

Did I do the right thing when (insert any decision or interaction over the last 50 years). 

Is that picture I hung on the wall going to fall off?

What if someone didn’t like what I did for them but didn’t feel they could tell me?

And there’s more. But you get the point. These and other thoughts go round in my head all day long. And then someone tells me it’s time for change and off I spiral. Change is something else I have to worry about. One more worry.

Sometimes, I just want things to be left alone.

Sometimes, I want peace and quiet.

Time for a change?

Only when I’m ready.

Give me time. Give me space. Don’t rush me.

Because most of the things I worry about don’t need to be worrisome. Some I can’t control so there’s no sense worrying. Some will never happen so again there’s no sense worrying. And most of the rest turn out alright regardless of what I do so once more there’s no sense worrying.

But does that stop me? No.

Does it mean I can cope with change? Yes. Given time to process, to work things through on my own or with others.

Given time to worry.

It’s not resistance. It’s critical thinking time - in every sense.

My Worry Monster is hungry. It’s only fair to feed it. Time for change? Time to eat.